my new dating scene....

I realized that the one thing that I miss most from my relationship was having someone sleep next to me. Its weird the security that having someone next to you derive deep in your spirit and it has been a long time since I have had the constant comfort of someone lying next to me.
Lately I decided to join the dating world again, I placed an ad, I received emails and I found someone that has met my initial criteria as a “catch”. It’s a far different dating world for a woman in her 30s then when I was in my 20s. In my 20s I felt like milk that had just come from the cow’s teat. I had a long shelf life, was fresh and ready for another stage of my journey and could deal with more of a lackadaisical approach to dating. I dated older seemingly more mature men and I was proud of the catches that I found form the bay area dating pool.
Now in my 30s I feel like the discount milk, the stuff that is now 20% off because it’s going to spoil in a few days and will be dumped down the sink or forgotten about in the back of the fridge until chucks forms and the smell hits you in the face the second the refrigerator door opens. I am as close to spent milk as I can possibly be…. AND IT SUCKS.
Why is it that my ex, a man 8 years older than I starts (while we are still together) dating a woman 7 years my junior, decides to move to Vegas and keep her and discard me is living the life while my spoiled milk ass is having the hardest time trying to meet someone that I can just hang out on the couch with and sooner or later get more than a post coital hug and handshake.
I don’t think that I am aging badly; I have taken care of my face, kept it out of the sun and moisturized. I’ve been told I look young, that I’m gorgeous, down-to-earth and blah blah blah but still I have no idea what the best course of action could be. I can’t even figure out what men want these days. Is it sex? Does the girl need a shut mouth and a hot ass? Or are they really looking for more and are just as confused as I am that they keep quiet and go about their day placing ads for “casual encounters” and one night stands from women stumbling or crying as the bartender calls “last call”.
What happened in the last decade? Did dating change that much with the addition of email and cell phones? Are we all screwed to replace real people with fleshy battery operated machinery and non-committal relationships?
Talking to a girlfriend the other day, we realized that we mutually knew someone. She had contacted someone for something casual while I had wanted something heading towards long-term. Being that she and I are very different which I will not go into here, we realized a weird situation. If he really wanted what he discussed with her, would he have been lying to me and in reverse if he was being truthful with me was she going to be a passing persuasion? Which then I get confused all over again… and rightfully so.
People have a tendency to hide who they really are and I’m sorry I just put it all out there. For me there are no rules of dating, just rules of self-respect, trust and truth. I’m not going to fake what I am and I hope you don’t either but if you do the entire process is nothing but a waste of time. I HATE WASTING MY TIME… truthfully I am sure that we all hate wasting our time. It all just makes me want to scream. Fake picture, fake people…. Shit I should invent a portable lie detector to sell to those that can’t seem to seem to decipher standard communication triggers. Even better I should write a book that helps girls better interpret the “he’s just not that into you” crap.
Fuck the movie here is the short of it and the book written by a comedian (YES IT WAS)…men are simple, if you ask them what they are looking for them they will tell you and if you realize that “stiff dick has no conscience” then there is a man. A man that loves you will do anything for you and hopefully you for him but if at any time he makes standard excuses for not spending time with you and makes you feel like less of a person then you MUST run away screaming as he has moved on. And if you did the same you are not better than the guy that did it to you.
Let just call it the vicious cycle of dating… the girl falls for the 1st boy in high school, gives him her virginity and he repays her by breaking her heart. (This is more than likely the reverse) from that broken heart the girl gets upset and treats the next couple of men in her life, men that probably really want to be with her, love her and take care of her like crap… then she breaks his heart and he gets upsets and uses the next girl and the cycle continues on until no one trusts each other anymore. Women bitch about men and vice versa, and worse both of us have become discount milk.
30s the new 20 I hear, you’re only as old as you feel they say… well I say that regardless what medical science has done to make us live longer, my body is aging and the year of birth on my driver’s license hasn’t change so regardless I am the age I am and I am not getting any younger. My metabolism has changed, my menstrual cycle has shortened and I can’t eat the foods I love anymore without having to keep antacids in my medicine drawer. And the older I get the smarter I am supposed to be but really the more cynical that I have become and all I realize is that I seemed to have hit the twilight dating zone, ready for the coloring to change to black and white and some strange voice come looming out of the darkness.
Earlier this year I thought I had a good thing, but those cards were stacked against me and while I still keep in touch with him I have to pull away for my own good from that dynamite filled situation. Back to dating again I’m sitting on the boat with my fishing reel in hand, throwing back the undesirable fish and taking a closer look at the ones that seem the right size. Finding the right fish is such a hard thing and right now I have a couple that I’m taking a closer look at.
When I was in my 20s I was looking for a guy that had a decent outlook on life and a nice car, I know superficial but it worked for me and getting free goodies was always fun. Now I won’t talk a drink from someone that I’m not interested in spending more time with and I won’t give a 2nd date to someone that I don’t feel a spark with. Sparks are important but I’m debating if they are even needed anymore.
Regardless the short of the situation is that I’m confused and no matter how many friends I talk to or how many decisions I make I’m still only getting more confused not less. Am I the only one? I know that answer but I think that is the only answer that I know in regards to this new dating scene. The new dating scene… plan and simple THIS SUCKS.