the loss of someone great

when i was twenty-one, my father was taken from my life. it was a time that was really bad and hard to explain to someone that hasnt gone through it. now that a friend, a very close friend that i care deeply for has had the same thing happen in his life, i have decided to write this.

losing a parent in hard. hard at any age. even when you are withdrawn from each other. but the simple matter of the fact is that they are your parent. you are all of them and they are half of you. that is the way that it works. two souls unite to create another and as much as you may hate them through certain stages of your life, you are connected eternally. you will see them in heaven if that is what you believe or they will ever be a cycle of any new life should it be reincarnation.

i remember watching 'greys anatomy' and when the character george loses his father he is outside, basically beside himself. the charater christina comes, stands ont he wall next to him and tell him 'welcome to the club, the dead dads club.' that is the way that it is. losing a father is different from losing a mother. we come from our mothers, we suckle from their breasts and are craddle in their arms. we fall and scrap our knees, they rush to our side ready with bacteen and bandages. fathers are a little withdrawn. we dont bond with them like we do our mothers. but regardless they are our dads.

when i was little, i was daddys little girl. no doub about it. i look through my baby book even to this day and there are lots of moments with my father. great moments, some that i remember and others that i dont. but then when i was eight years old, my father couldnt handle us anymore. he didnt want children and a wife, he didnt want his family. he divorced my mother and moved to sacramento. so far away for a child of eight, both physically and emotionally. i didnt understand it. this man that had said hello to me every night that he came home was no longer going to tuck me in at night. no longer going to kiss me on my forehead and say goodnight. it was heartbreaking to say the least.

when i finally was forced to see my father again. and it was just awkward. forced visits with kids that were withdrawal from their father.